Stuart & John: The Activist Wedding

[BOND MAGAZINE]

Stuart & John - San Francisco

"When we first met we immediately felt like we had known each other a long time, like we could talk about anything, like we were family. Shortly after we met, a friend of Stuart’s was visiting from out town, and asked Stuart if he’d met anybody new. Stuart replied, “'I’ve met my future husband.'”



About the couple
Stuart Gaffney, 45, Policy Analyst
John Lewis, 50, Attorney

Activism in the blood:
We married on the first full day of marriage equality in California, surrounded by our parents, family and friends. Stuart’s mom, who is Chinese American, and his dad, who is English/Irish American, were only able to marry because California led the way 60 years ago in overturning the state ban on interracial marriage. We were especially glad to have Stuart’s parents there witnessing a second generation in our family attaining the freedom to marry.


How we met: We met a San Francisco house party in 1987 when Nancy Pelosi was making her very first run for Congress. We immediately knew we wouldn’t be canceling each other’s votes!
Living together: Since 1988

The Proposal: We immediately proposed to each other the moment we learned all loving couples would have the freedom to marry in California.

Wedding planning time: We have been planning this day for 4 years while the case for marriage equality has been heard by the courts on its way to the California Supreme Court. Since we got married on the first day possible, we didn’t have a definite time for our ceremony until the last minute. Once the schedule was set, we had to scramble – luckily everything fell into place!

Wedding date: June 17th 2008
Ceremony type: civil service
Where: San Francisco City Hall
Number of guests: 50
Reception: A La Turca Restaurant, San Francisco
Photographer: Bella Pictures
Wedding websites: http://my.bellapictures.com/Lewis-Gaffney06172008

What we wore: Matching classic black tuxedos with royal blue bowtie and cummerbund

Favorite thing about our wedding:
We married on the first full day of marriages, June 17, surrounded by our parents, family and friends. Our wedding day was a dream come true – exchanging vows and being pronounced married for life was the happiest day of our lives together.

Everything was just right, down to the little details. We had the rehearsal dinner at a traditional Chinese restaurant, and when we were ordering the dishes the owner suddenly started speaking in Chinese with her elderly parents. We wondered what they were talking about, and then the owner returned and told us that her mother wanted to make sure that we were choosing the auspicious number of dishes in order to have a long, happy life together.

When we opened our front door the morning of our wedding day, our neighbors had made a trail of hundreds of cut-out paper hearts leading out the building and towards City Hall.

Our wedding reception was at a Turkish restaurant, and for wedding cake we had baklava. As we exchanged bites of baklava, we didn’t even notice as some friends slipped away to a drug store to buy dental floss because they had forgotten to bring string to tie tin cans to the back of our car!

Honeymoon: We are waiting to honeymoon until after the November election, so that we can make sure our freedom to marry is secure. We then plan to honeymoon in Kauai.

Wedding advice:
A wedding is a wonderful moment when friends and family come together, often meeting each other for the first time. Although we’ve been a loving, committed couple for over 21 years, we weren’t able to legally marry until this summer. Exchanging vows surrounded by our loved ones was an amazing experience – one we will always remember as one of the happiest days of our lives. We are doing everything we can to keep the freedom to marry secure for all loving couples, because we finally know, after 21 years together, what it’s like to be newlyweds.